Resonance learning
Just as the sound of one guitar can make another guitar nearby resonate, people can also transmit their inner melodies to other people. The result is an enriched understanding of each other’s world that goes beyond what we can convey in words.
Resonance is sharing experience.
Resonance learning means learning directly from the experience of others and is the most profound way of learning. When we resonate, information is conveyed on many levels simultaneously. Our brain receives a high-resolution video with plenty of details instead of a low-resolution black and white still picture from an outdated security camera. The information we are conveying is a composition of our worldview; it entails our beliefs, experiences, and ways of feeling and being. When we learn through resonance, we know faster and more nuanced.
Resonance is the basis for emotional intelligence.
Authenticity, empathy, recognition, and appreciation are all expressions of emotional intelligence that require and build upon resonance. Take authenticity, for instance; I liken the lack of authenticity to a lousily synchronized movie. The sound channel does not match up with the visual track of the lips moving. We are receiving mismatched information, which alerts us to inconsistencies. When people lack authenticity, they usually prevent a channel from sharing information, perhaps because they just heard terrible news and didn’t want to lean on others with their troubles. So they might overplay a track with good intentions: “yeah, everything is great, let’s move on.”
That is like strumming a guitar but trying to prevent one of the strings from vibrating. We don’t want that part to reveal its tune, so we play a different one instead. However, a missing tune or one that does not fit distorts the overall composition. We don’t always consciously catch on to such inconsistency. Still, we respond to it in various ways ranging from subtle doubt to open mistrust, simply because of information loss, just like in a game of Chinese whispers.
The Power of resonance learning.
In Elon Musk’s biography, author Ashlee Vance describes a scene that has stuck in my mind as an excellent example of resonance learning. The story goes something like this: Musk hires this person who has been specializing for years exclusively on valves. During the first few days on the job, Musk daily visits the expert to question him about valves. The expert describes these sessions as akin to an interrogation; he initially thinks Musk is doubting his expertise and is testing him. Soon, he realizes that Musk is learning from him by soaking up all his knowledge on valves. The expert estimates that Musk had absorbed 90% of his expertise within a week of these intensive exchanges.
We integrate all the nuances transferred through various channels upon sharing experiences in resonance. Thereby creating a rich tapestry of understanding that surpasses other means of learning by far.
A very personal interplay.
In a game of Chinese whispers, everyone in the chain passes on their interpretation. No one gets to clarify or confirm. Therefore, a lot is lost in translation. Resonance differs in this regard. Clarification and confirmation act like amplifiers. We learn primarily through the melodies that we send out and are returned to us. Resonance is a loop whereby we integrate each other’s interpretations, and both end up with a more nuanced understanding.
Infant research observed that caregivers intuitively reflect a child’s mood to them. Within this reflection, they embed information, for example, a cheerful undertone, which the baby can resonate with. These kinds of exchanges based on resonance can be observed neurally; every emotion activates the corresponding networks in the brain. This activation of the same regions in another brain is the foundation of empathy.
Going in resonance means getting affected.
Alternating sending and receiving is how people resonate with each other. Going in resonance with someone full heartedly is one of the most inclusive ways to listen to understand. It is how we share feelings and take another’s perspective. Perhaps you have experienced this when empathizing with someone in trouble – we intuitively ask questions to clarify and confirm our understanding and emerge with clarity, new impulses, and in the best cases, renewed vigor.
Going in resonance is also at the heart of how we build our identity. Infant research has shown that babies have a keen understanding of social interactions before learning to talk. One of the things we know of each other through resonance is whether an experience is desirable or not. This co-shapes our desires and determines our way of developing and becoming. I expand on the effect of resonance on shaping our identity and relationships in the upcoming article Your Personal Tune.
The opposite of love is ignorance.
A wave that is not reflected subsides. Ideas that are shared, but don’t get a response, disperse. Whether we happen to be busy on the phone, tired, or unwilling to respond to a person or idea – whenever we dampen this natural response, messenger substances (opioids) are released into the brain. They have an analgesic and forgetfulness-promoting effect. As a result, we are less bothered by the lack of response. Still, if this happens repeatedly, our ability to create resonance suffers, and with it, our foundation for emotional intelligence.
As Robert Kegan states, well-fed, warm, and free of disease, you may still perish if you cannot mean. We gain meaning through the recognition of others. The nature of meaning lies in affecting another and hence in resonance. Do you think the expert Musk was questioning to learn about valves felt recognition? That his years of building his expertise meant something? Whether you like Musk’s style or not, you’ll likely agree that receiving such a condensed form of attention is a form of acclaim.
Resonance is a win-win.
Some people believe that if they engage or listen to contrary points of view, they will be influenced by these. Studies show that quite the opposite is true. When people engage, get curious about other perspectives, and listen to understand, this creates a space for both sides to think a little differently.
Damon Centola ran a social media experiment that revealed that the more people talked to people with different opinions, the less polarized both sides became. Polarization only grew through influencers, whereas it decreased with an exchange. The ideas became more moderate, and the basic understanding of the other point of view became relatable.
Use it or lose it.
Resonance is like a muscle. It can be strengthened by using it, whereas not using it leads to rigidity. Irrespective of how you label your experience in everyday life, whenever you miss out on what is being said, cling to your point of view, and are critical of others’ opinions, you are missing out on an opportunity to learn. Whenever you empathize, try to understand another’s perspective, appreciate another, and explore the ideas of others, you are relying on resonance. When you expose yourself to other points of view, you learn, build your ability to relate, give the gift of attention, and draw others in instead of away.
Improv is an excellent way to practice resonance. Improv lives by building on each other. One of the general principles is “yes, and..” where you confirm and then add something of your own. It is also a safe space to practice saying yes and experiencing what happens. In an upcoming article, I will expand further on Improv and its benefits for individual and workplace development in the upcoming article on Improv at Work.
Be curious.
It is so simple. There are always two sides to a coin. My attitude is that if I can’t at least partially agree with another person’s perspective, I haven’t understood that perspective sufficiently. Then it is up to me to change that situation, seek an exchange, and build resonance. As Marshall B. Rosenberg put it, “Find out what is alive in the other person!”
